oh my god, OH MY GOD, OOOOOHHHH MYYYY GGGGGOD! CHRISTMAS TREE CRUMPETS, WOOHOO!

So I am now 2 weeks in to my 6 week stretch and no side effects as yet, still being prodded and pocked, blood samples and lung test, peeing in tubes and being feed and stuffed ready for Christmas. I now know what a turkey feels like a few weeks before Christmas LOL.

Every day is the same in here:-

5.45am - I wake up every morning at this time without the aid of a alarm clock or a wake up call, bit annoying really.
6.30am - I head in to the shower and get myself ready for the day.
8am - Nurses come in and wake up the other human guinea pigs, I mean study volunteers. ECG pads attached to our bodies which must be kept on all day.
9am - The first of our main tests for the day, ECG, Blood Pressure, Blood Samples, Spirometry test (lung test), Neurological test (Brain Test)  and Urine test.
11am - Breakfast, 2 slices of brown toast & Bran Flakes
1pm - Second main test ECG, Blood Pressure, Spirometry test and Neurological test.
After tests its lunchtime, Ham Salad, crisps and piece of fruit (Variety of main meals to choose from)
3pm - ECG and Blood Pressure.
5pm - ECG and Blood Pressure.
After tests its tea time, Choice of 2 main meals and 2 desserts.
9pm - ECG and Blood Pressure.
After tests its supper time, a nice banana.
Then rip of the ECG pads (thank god) and relax watching TV till time for sleep 12-1am.

Repeat for 42 days, without any exercise and maybe 5mins a week fresh air break outside LOL.

So I haven't really got much to tell you, its a bit like the film Groundhog Day but I have been watching more TV than ever before and my question is, why the hell is there a TV licence as TV is so crap?

So lets start with "I'm a celebrity, get me out of here". Now this I usually watch if I can, I know shock horror, but if it wasn't for Ant & Dec I most probably wouldn't watch it as there little bits in the show are the best bits, oh and the eating bush tucker trials. So as I settle down to watch it I think to myself, "These celebs are definitely the bottom of the barrel". And that Joey Essex.... please, really? How good an actor is he? I know he's from that fake show TOWIE,  how can someone be as thick as pig swill? He Say's he "Only knows what he needs to know", he's got no general knowledge at all in that case.  He says he's never known how to blow his nose, so no one has every told him to blow his nose and teach him in 23 years, what does he do just let it dribble out or keep his nose blocked? He thinks a cabbage is a lettuce, so he's had lettuce on a Sunday roast? He can't tell the time with a standard watch, so everywhere he's ever been without wearing a watch he didn't know what time it was? He thought hail stones were snow, so he's never seen hail stones ever before in his 23 years on this planet without someone saying to him "That's hail stones". Either he really is that thick and was brought up in a dark room along with mushrooms till someone let him out to appear on TOWIE or he's been acting thick for so long on TOWIE that he can't get out of character, I think its the later of the two. The UK must be the only country in the world that rewards people for being brainless idiots. Anyone visiting the UK from abroad and watching the programme must be thinking "We thought we got it bad but the UK people are dumb as hell".
Now on to SKY as we have SKY TV in the medical centre. I don't have SKY at home, used to years and years ago, maybe last time I had it was 2000 but why do people pay the crazy monthly price for channels that repeat programmes over and over again in one day? I have only been in the medical centre for 2 weeks and I've seen the same programmes and movies on certain channels twice within 1 day and 8 times within 2 weeks. I guess they keep repeating them for the whole of a month and they'll change in December, so glad I don't have SKY myself anymore. My Smart TV is better than SKY, I can watch all my sport, movies and certain programmes on it all for free and when I want to watch them.
Stobarts - a programme about a trucking company. I have seen these trucks but do we really need a programme about them, its not exactly ice road truckers is it. I learnt in today's programme how to check if a load is strapped down & secured properly, twang the straps, BRILLIANT! What a trucker eats while on a journey, prawn salad, AMAZING! What happens if a lorry is overweight with wood chippings, take some off, GROUND BREAKING! What makes a certain truck driver deliver his load on time to Cornwall, get to Cornwall before his favourite pasty shop closes, GENIUS!

As I was watching rubbish on TV I started thinking back to Zakynthos and what it must have been like when tourism first started there, so I decided to look for some old pics of the first British tourists who came to the island and I found these:-

For this gent it was his first trip outside of good old Blighty , in those days sun tan lotion was lard with no UV protection, if no lard then a suit, shirt and tie must be worn at all times. He was told by his neighbour that the foreign sun can burn your eyes out, so Mr. Chumley Higenbottom was taking no chances.

News from medical scientist in the UK said that you can be protected from UV rays in foreign lands if you sit behind glass. This health conscious young lady decided to take her own glass panel with her to sit behind, well done Betty, good thinking.

This unfortunate gent was told that if he hired a boat and paddled out about 50m that he would see turtles. On seeing a turtle he stood up to have a better view and forgot he was on water and fell head first back in to the boat. Due to the hospital being full with young whipper snappers from Laganas he had to carry the boat around on his head for another week.

Zakynthos town now, this tourist decided to visit for some food. after asking for bread and dripping he was presented with Lamb Kleftiko. On seeing the dish he said loud and slowly " I WANT BREAD AND DRIPPING.I'm not eating this foreign muck, I want English food" to which the waiter stood him up and hit him over the head with his chair.
There was a huge language barrier in the first days of tourism.

The live entertainment when tourism first started was very limited but they still had tribute acts even in those days here is Johann Sebastian BARK tribute act.

And finally here is the first ever hen night to Laganas. These ladies partied hard for 1 week on a daily diet of tea and scones then an afternoon sherry. They were always degrading themselves and seen as a disgrace to women as they were always getting their ankles out, boy did these ladies know how to enjoy themselves.

 

Now then, what's this I hear from Oceanic's facebook.....CHRISTMAS TREE CRUMPETS, WOW!

That is so not fair, imagine what I can do with those, that would be a great day in the Kevlar kitchen, so much scope for decoration and toppings. They better still be available when I get out or I'll be soooooo mad.

 

I hate Christmas but I love crumpets.

 

 

Also I was told that someone was asking about how come I'm not in Toys R Us, well, they know I do these medical trials and are very kind in letting me have the time off to do the trials that I get if it coincides with work time at the store.

 



So it's now day 18 of 42 and its all going well and it wont be long before I'm back in the outside world on the 23rd with my beautiful girl, can't wait to see her. Helen is taking me to Iceland (frozen food store not the country) as soon as I get out. The adverts during I'm a celeb have made me want to buy shares in the company, I'm definitely getting the beef garland and all that nibble party food, mmmmmmmmm buffets. Also with getting out on the 23rd I miss having to do decorations and Christmas shopping , WOOHOO! LOL

 

On the next update I will be posting pictures of my moustache I have grown for Movember, its really starting to get on my nerves now but only 1 more day then it can come off, thank god. Growing this moustache has been more uncomfortable than the study I'm on.

 

I'm sure i had something else to tell you .......................... ah well, can't remember.

 

So that's it for this update so until a fortnights time for the next bomb shell, explosive update, I shall say "hwyl fawr".

 

Serve All, Love All, Peace All, Kevlar Out!