Thursday, 12 October 2017

Andrew Sykes - a man i'm proud to of called a friend

On Sunday i received a text telling me of the sad news that Andrew had passed away.

This came as a real shock to me as i had only seen him with Lesley a few weeks previous and had been in contact with him via e-mail 4 weeks ago.

If there were to be a picture for the definition of the word "Carefree" then a picture of Andrew could be next to it.

I've known Andrew and Lesley since 2004-05 from when they had come over to the Tropicana in Argassi from Kalamaki which used to be their holiday destination until they settled down to life on Kefalonia.

Never once in all the years i knew Andrew did i ever see him fed up, complain, moan or gossip. He always had a laugh and a joke which was very often followed by the words "Who Care's, Sod it" or words very similar to that, ha, but that was Andrew. Nothing seemed to faze him, didn't really care what other people thought and just enjoyed life. This is what i admired about Andrew and always took time out to talk to them both as they would always visit every night when they were holiday makers in Kalamaki and would also call in every night on their short visits from Kefalonia.

I also have a confession, i used to be Andrews dealer.................agggghhhhhh, no its not what your thinking, i used to get Andrew his stash of John Smiths, a few cases, to take back over to Kefalonia with him for their house. A man after my own heart.
In my 17 years on Zakynthos i can honestly say that I've not met to many people as good natured as Andrew with a wicked sense of humour.
Our last meeting and contact showed Andrews wicked sense of humour, this is part of the last email i had from him:-

"Hi Kev,

Hope everything OK. On the rock legend T-shirt I ordered, can you put on lyrics from Black Dog by Led Zeppelin.

Hey hey mama, said the way you move, gonna make you sweat, gonna make you groove.

Cheers and enjoy the rest of the season

P.S. The Lemon Song was too risque haha"

Andrew initially wanted to have the lyrics from the lemon song which were:-

"Squeeze me baby, 'till the juice runs down my leg
The way you squeeze my lemon
I'm gonna fall right out of bed"

As you can see from the e-mail Andrew was very considerate and conscious of others around him

Andrew and Lesley went from customers, to regulars, to friends and Andrew shall be missed very much by all who had met him and will never be forgotten.

My thoughts and prayers go out to Lesley and their Son.

I shall raise a pint of John Smiths in your honour sir and enjoy it while listening to "The Lemon Song".

Our loss is John Bonham's gain, he's a lucky guy.

Tuesday, 26 September 2017

Isn't it October yet! I need a body transplant.

Hello, hello and hello. So i thought i would fill you in on the why i haven't updated for so long.

Well firstly I've just been manic busy all season long so 4 to 5 hours of the morning is taken up running around getting stuff for the bar. Secondly due to stupid security with this blog it was saying that the device i was trying to connect from was not known even though I've used it all season to update so i couldn't log in to my blog account although today it has allowed me, good grief. Thirdly i think the updates would have been boring and same old same old as all i've done is work, work, work and no adventures. So this update was my duty to let you know what was going on.

Everybody sing along "It's rant time, everybody loves a rant time, everybody needs a rant tiiiiiime, it's RANT TIME!"
Well again i don't really have anything major to rant about but a few things have made me think "IDIOTS!".
For instance, in the UK if some random guy you never knew came up to you and said "Sir here is a vehicle that is meant for off road use mainly for farming for you to use with the added bonus of letting your 2 year old child cling for dear life to the petrol tank as you take off at high speed" would you accept it? NO. Cause in the UK you know its wrong. Here on Zakynthos it seems to be fine to put your youngest born in danger without any thought at all, Marvelous.

I think that's it, see told you not much to rant about these days.

Many customers are asking me about the All Inclusive killing the resort, i have to say i disagree.
Lets look at this logically. 
If you own a hotel that's AI your best interest is to get your customers out of your hotel in to the resort to eat and drink and this is why. If your hotel holds say 60 people and all of them stayed in all day and night eating and drinking for the full serving duration of the day your profit margins get less and less but if you can get them out of the hotel and you halve the consumption of the customers then your profit margins are higher. 
I can honestly say that this season about a third of my customer base has been from AI hotels, that's more than ever before and why.........because the drinks in the AI hotel are cheap local brands. I've had more customers from Cavo Doro and Kelelia Hotels since they went AI than when they were self catering and half board. 

Well the season is almost coming to an end but don't worry i'm already booked my flight to come back for 2018 and season number 12. Still even now people think someone else is having the bar. This is false. I have been here all season this year even though customers had told me this person and that person were having the bar for 2017, HELLO! Its still me serving drinks and name on the licence. Told you many times before never listen to rumours, always go to the source if you want the facts.
Talking of rumours, last season (2016) there was a rumour being spread that Veronica from The Lighthouse Restaurant had died. When i was told this i instantly said unless its come direct from a family member then i wouldn't take much notice of it and guess what............i was right. She was alive and well in December 2016 as one of my customers who came in this season had spoken to her on the phone. She told Veronica that she was dead and in her typical dry wit Veronica way she said "That's nice to know i'm dead thank you for telling me". And the moral of this tale is "Never tell anyone something unless you have proof or the full facts".

My eldest sister Fran and brother in-law Colin came for a surprise visit and what a surprise it was. I was talking to customers early evening and looked across the road and thought "I know that couple" so i waved and shouted "Hi" then realized it was them and said "Oh shit it's my family". Great to see them both on the island, only taken them 17 years but they made it and loved it and think we may have 2 new converts to Kalamaki.

So the bar is still very very busy so late on in season which is amazing and now i have to leave you to do my bar chores for the day.

I will sign off with a few pictures for those of you who don't like reading.

This sign was in Argassi, brilliant!

The sunrise as i leave my house for my morning coffee.

Bollards, do not park here.

Banoffee Biscuits, mmmmmmmmmmm

A great stocking filler for Christmas, the Oceanic 2018 calendar, sorry, SOLD OUT!

And for next years beer lovers i have spoken with the Levante Beer company rep Niko this week and will be stocking four of their micro brewery beers next season, they are so so good. I drink them when i have my early finish Saturdays and go in to Zakynthos town. You are in for a real treat. I will be stocking a Unfiltered Pale Lager, .Unfiltered Dark Lager, Bavarian Wheat Beer (My fav) and a Strong Bok Beer.
Here is their website

So time to head off now, not long left, the finish post is in sight, until the next update.......

Serve All, Love All, Peace All, Kevlar Out!

Monday, 18 September 2017

I am alive, just manic busy, HELLLLOOOOOOOOOOO!

Proper update coming very very soon i promise. Been locked out of account for nearly a month due to e-mail address i used to open this blog 11 years ago doesn't exist anymore. 11 years of drivvle and waffling ramblings, my my, how time flies.

Anywhooooo here is me diving in to a pool on one of my 7 days i've attended a pool since arriving on the island.

Still crazy manic here and a big big sorry for anyone who hasn't been able to get in to the bar over the season, only had 12 nights since i opened that bar hasn't been full at some point during the night, i can only apologies but i am looking forward to the end now, my poor stumpy legs are ready to fail me. "Keep goin' Kev your on the home stretch".

So its ta ta for now.

Serve All, Love All, Peace All, Kevlar Out!

Friday, 21 July 2017

EUREKA! Its ultimate food heaven I've created.

We shall start with my thought of the day as i am now a philosopher as you all know by now:-

"You can lead a horse to water but it will never be a fish"

Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls I am that excited about my new food creation that i had to come in to town at 8 am to my secret coffee shop and write an update.

Don't know what to eat? Fancy a pizza but also wanting a Pot Noodle.
WHY NOT HAVE BOTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

From Kevlars Kitchen Creations that brought you Crumpet Creations i give you..........

The Pozzle.

 Get yourself a fresh pizza base or Pita bread.

Select your pot noodle, for today's creation I've chosen chicken and mushroom and mix with hot water so its thick with no signs of a sauce.

Make a fresh pizza sauce from fresh tomatoes and onion with some BBQ seasoning

Add pot noodle to the top of pizza sauce.

Cover with a generous portion of grated mozzarella until completely covered.

Bake in oven for 15 Min's at 180 deg or gas mark 7 until cheese is just about browning.

Then throw straight down the toilet as that's where it will be an hour after eating it!

NAH! only joking. Oh my god, it tasted so good and the true sign of a good tasting pizza is when its cold the next day and i can honestly say it tasted even better this morning, best next day pizza, EVER!. Its a true master piece in the area of Leonardo Da Vinci's Mona Lisa, Shakespeare's Hamlet, Michelangelo's David and Alan Partridges Monkey Tennis.

Animals everywhere. My garden and courtyard are like the days before Noah set sail on his little jaunt. Not being funny but he took to his boat to save the good from the great flood and banish earth of evil. So in that thinking why take venomous snakes and spiders? Surely you'd take only animals that look cute, also man eating tigers and lions with man, cats with pigeons, silver back gorillas with chimps, do you see what I'm getting at. It would be a total blood bath on there.
Now you got me started, i think the novel called "The Bible" is flawed from the beginning. Adam and Eve had 3 sons, 3 SONS! Seth, Cain and Able. HELLO! Unless they could poop kids out how did the earth get populated? Although there is suggestions in a re-write (Directors Cut) Adam and Eve had 5 sons and 2 daughters. Still on dodgy ground really. Think we need a re-make like they do with the classic movies.
Anyway i got side tracked.

Here are the plethora (I like that word, i shall use it more often) animals at Kevlar Abbey.

Wilbur Hoppington

Gwendolin Hoppington

Carlucius Hoppington

And to the far right of picture its our new edition to the family baby Ticklemus Hoppington

Now then, on to the courtyard.

Kitten one and two

Kitten three.

No point in naming the kittens, they only cute for so long then turn in to cats and become arrogant.

Well what a great surprise. In Zakynthos town yesterday, the Greenpeace boat "Rainbow Warrior" was in port. You could go on and have a look around and give just a donation for the pleasure. Unfortunately i had very deep pockets yesterday and couldn't reach my money so just took a picture from port side but it is a impressive sight.

Its minion time, YAY! Look at this great t-shirt based on Iron Maiden's "The Trooper". See a minion can look cool no matter what situation you put them in.

And another minion moment, my non actor/teacher but Neurosurgeon nephew with a relative of Kevin the minions.

Here is Kyle again but this time in training for the S.W.A.T. team he has joined. No not Special Weapons Attack Team, Sheep With Attitude Taskforce. He is Welsh don't forget and have you seen how menacing some sheep look? They need taking down.
As I've said before "Don't mess with the Family, Capeesh?"

T-shirts are flying out all over the place and there are 2 new additions to the collection.
Firstly we have the killers who are touring this winter around the UK so this coincides with the tour.

But the next one is a very sad t-shirt to have had to make.
When their first single "One Step Closer" came out it was like a breath of fresh air and then a song of theirs that stuck with me was "In the End". I was managing Heath Sports & Social (happy days) at the time this came out and it was constantly being played on Kerrang TV, what a amazing voice Chester had. From gentle whispers to aggressive angst. Was really shocked when told of his death.
I chose "New Divide" and the lines I've chosen feel right to me.

R.I.P. Chester Bennington, a truly unique voice and performer.

So on that reflective note i shall leave this update there.

Until the next update........

Serve All, Love All, Peace All, Kevlar Out!

Wednesday, 12 July 2017

As Robbie would sing "I love my life!"

Socrates (Not the footballer), Pythagoras (Not the maths), Plato (Not what you eat off), Hippo (Not the animal), Evander (Not the boxer), Dio (Not the band), Aristotle (Not the.........its not anything else).
What do these names all have in common? ........................................They are all Greek Philosophers.
Now why am i telling you this? Well, over the past two years I've had time to think, listen to peoples comments, listen to customers rumour and gossip and i have taken it all in with contemplation, to which i have become a Philosopher myself.
To prove this i will give you my first words of wisdom:-

"Man who hears only one voice becomes blind to the truth."

Well, what you think? Not bad for my first attempt. By man i don't mean a man as in a male, we philosophers mean man as in "Mankind" so everyone.

Hello to one and all, how you all doing? I do hope your all well and good wherever you are.

The bar is now 72 days open and only 6 nights it hasn't been full at some point.
Every single customer so far who has stepped in to Oceanic has come back for a second visit which is great and not only that I'd say about 80% are all new to Oceanic with most coming in through word of mouth around pool or at hotel bar.
I am totally realistic and know this will not continue, last season i had a night at the end of July that i only took 50€. This is the reality of business, the ups and downs, can't always be ups.
I feel physically great all be it slightly tired due to being so busy but not complaining and all is good in the life of Kev publicly and privately.
May and June done and dusted but now comes the months i always dread, July and August which are usually quieter for me so its allot of book reading and waiting around till someone comes in, more often than not my first customer is about 10pm due to it being so hot up until that time but lets wait and see what happens.
Been to see my accountant this morning, all good there and first quarters V.A.T. cleared, and relax.

Now I'm not a modern day fan, i think i was born in the wrong era. I like a very simple life, I'm not in to techy stuff, I'm not money orientated, I'm not materialistic and i don't need Facebook, instagram or snapchat to make my life better. As long as your happy with your life all the other stuff doesn't really matter.  Just to prove sometimes the old ways are better for you i had a very old thing land on my doorstep of the bar two weeks ago that many of you younger readers won't remember, its called a letter.
Many people say modern technology is a good thing. Well this very old way of communicating, a letter, brought me the best news from the UK, so much so i went out to celebrate in Zakynthos town that night and had a couple of Zakynthos craft brewed beers, Yammas!.
Thank you J. Sharpe for saving me money, time, hassle with red tape paperwork and for making a great season even greater with your letter, i have sent you a letter of thanks in reply.
Kids, don't just depend on e-mails, letters can be a wonderful thing.

This season i have been asked many new questions but have been asked them quite a few times so just in case your coming out and thinking of asking me the same questions i will give you the answers now.

Q:- Oh, your still here then? (with amazement)
A:- Why where should i be? I've never said i was going anywhere.

Q:- Do you have more hair?
A:- (with huge laughter and choking) Definitely not, more grey and more of a wasteland now than a bald patch but the hair i have is longer not cut so short

Q:- How was Depeche Mode in Athens?

Q:- Have you lost weight?
A:- A little but black is slimming. Look at Pavarotti, he always wore black and you would have never have guessed he was 32 stone cause he looked so slim in black.

Q:- For how much longer do you think your going to do this?
A:- Until i decide I've had enough or my body tells me its time to quit, don't think i need to put a time limit on it.

Q:- Is your bike a Harley? (pointing to my bike parked outside the bar)
A:- No its a Yamaha, that's why its got Yamaha written on it.

That's just a few of the frequent new questions I'm asked but there are many more.

So its the 13th July and I've only been to the pool 5 times since April but i did get to my quiet pool at a certain hotel i use. As you can see from this years pic its still empty and that was taken only 2 weeks ago. How can this hotel still survive with hardly anyone there? Don't get me wrong I'm glad its this quiet as its such a lovely pool, would it to get over crowded and lots of noise.

I may have told you that this year there are no ducks but i do have 2 rabbits, well now i have 3 rabbits. While i was sat on my balcony watching the sunrise over my garden sipping a cup of tea this morning i spotted that i have a new baby rabbit has joined the family, awwwwwww, its tiny but was hopping all over the place. One afternoon the largest rabbit was having a chill out in the shade of the wall at my balcony. The pic looks like road kill but it is in fact just resting. I have called it Wilbur Hoppington. Sadly for him he on has one good back leg but boy he can shift.

SSSShhhhhhhhh, he resting.

In my last update i mentioned Kylo Bear. Many have asked who's Kylo Bear? Well Kylo Bear is a build a bear that was given to me for company in my home. There is something a bit disturbing about this though. Build-a-bear are selling bears of a character that killed his own father with a lightsaber through the heart. Slightly dark? I think so. Kylo Bears lightsaber actually lights up with real saber noise and if you push Kylo's chest it plays "The emperors theme". This is great but not when you sound asleep.
Kylo lays on the bed next to me every night and the first night he was there i must have rolled over and pushed his chest with my elbow only to set off "The Emperors theme". I will say now, i was more than a little startled and terribly confused as it was still dark. I didn't have a clue what the hell was going on and only remembered about a minute later in my bleary eyed state.

I present to you Kylo Bear.

The Oceanic Rock Legend T-shirts are again selling really well and people are buying them ready for concerts. On buying them my customers have said they will send pics of them wearing the t-shirt at the concerts they bought them for, so here is the first.

Thank you to Sean & Jane for wearing them to the Green Day concert at Hyde Park.

And finally, a few people have asked did i really go to Switzerland as the pics i put on my blog about it looked to good to be taken by me.
HOW DARE! I know I'm not technically minded but i do know how to use a pin hole camera, GOOD DAY TO YOU SIR, HMMMPH!.
So to prove i was actually there here is me alongside Freddie.

I don't look so short in this pic. Note to self, always have pictures taken next to statues.

Well that's it for this short update. Again not been out and about much as between 4-5 hours of the day is taken up by doing things for bar as its so busy at night and its just way to hot for long rides out on the bike, also all the Italians and Greeks are arriving off the ferries so the roads are a nightmare.
No rants either, as i said at the beginning, life is sweet and no need to rant, well not in this update anyway.

So until the next one........

Serve All, Love All, Peace All, Kevlar Out!

Tuesday, 13 June 2017

Work, Eat, Sleep, Repeat, Collapse!

Well, well, well, well if it isn't my lovely blog readers. How the devil are you today? I'm sure your all wonderful.

So we're now in to June, BLIMEY! May has flown by in a blink of an eye.
Bar news first. WOW! Since 2nd of May there has only been 5 nights where Oceanic hasn't been full. At this point i will apologies to many who have walked past unable to get seats or come in and i haven't been able to seat you, i am truly truly sorry but this season has been manic so far.
I never take anything for granted though, i take each day as it comes and i am totally realistic that this can't continue all season. The one thing i can say is that every single customer that has stepped foot in Oceanic has come back for a second visit which is so good and i thank you all who have visited so far.
This season a majority of the customers have been new to the bar through word of mouth of people talking round the pool or hotel bar or even balcony to balcony. Its amazing what people talk about balcony to balcony. As you know i give every customer who enters the bar a bit of my time no matter how busy it is so i get all the feedback personally.
Age ranges again have been so mixed, quite a few couples in their early 20's up to a couple in their 80's. It seems that many are now looking for a more laid back bar and like the fact that i don't have WIFI and TV's, that's why they keep coming back just to have a chill and a chat with new people.
The new changes to bar have been accepted really well and the general feel is its even more relaxing now, just a shame i haven't got enough seats to fit everyone in comfortably.

At this point a huge huge thank you to Puzzle Restaurant for the emergency chairs that I'm dragging out of there every night, they are such a great family and always very helpful to me and they deserve all the success they're having this season and i myself can honestly say the food i have from there to take home is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO GOOOOOOOOD! Thanks guys! You must give it a try when in Kalamaki, you will not be disappointed.

As the heading to this rambling dribble states Work, Eat, Sleep, Repeat. That's all its been but no way am i complaining. When i tell people that i have only had 4 holidays in 19 years the first answer that comes back is "Well this is a holiday". AHEMMMMM! No i don't think it is.
My daily routine at the moment is this:-
I wake up bright eyed and bushy tailed (That's just a saying, i don't have a bushy tail) throw open the curtains and sing in a Disney like manner to the swifts, doves, chickens and rabbits. Make sure Kylo Bear has had a good sleep. A quick wash of bits, strands of hair and teeth and leave the house at 8.30am, oooops! forgot to get dressed, back in to house, dress and leave the house 8.35am. Then its, this shop, that shop, coffee break, this shop and that shop again getting supplies for the night ahead. Back and forth from one side of town to other trying not to get knocked off my bike by idiots jumping red lights, no indicating or just being, excuse the scientific term here, ASS HOLES in their cars.
Then to my supplier to get my delivery.
On to bar where i then clean and mop throughout, stack all the glasses back away in their home and make sure the toilets are smelling all clean and fresh, MMMMMMMMMMM, Pine and bleach!
After all this is done the time is 1.30pm. So that's 5 hours of the day dedicated to bar. Back in to bar for 6pm to set up ready for 7pm opening. Rush around like a mad man for 8-9 hours but making it look like I'm a swan, graceful above the water but paddling like mad underneath. Again, my bar isn't in water its just a metaphor and i don't have webbed feet.
Close up bar with a quick clean through, home, eat, sleep for at the most 4 hours then repeat.
What a great holiday i have eh!
That's every day for 170 days don't forget. I've been to the beach just 3 times since 25th April and not been to pool at all yet but will have to at some point, with the little hair i have left and how pale I'm becoming people are mistaking me for Gollum (Ref. Lord of the Rings) My Precioussssssssss.

Now then, Depeche Mode in Athens, I can sum this up in one word "Morons", No not Depeche Mode The ferry companies. Of all the times to go on strike for a week it was the week i had to get to Athens. I tried flights but they left the island to late, i even tried to hire a private boat to go over but wanted €150 each way, I like Depeche Mode but not enough to spend €300 to sit along side freshly caught fish for an hour each way and lose a nights takings. So i have a cunning plan. I have got tickets to see them in the UK in November and as a special treat to myself next March i may go to Argentina for my 50th birthday next year as i have wanted to go back ever since i went there to film Total Wipeout but at the same time i would be there on holiday Depeche Mode are playing in Argentina. But lets not get ahead of ourselves, its a long way off and still got a season and winter to go yet, who knows what may crop up within that time.

Where is Kevin the Minion your all asking. He's very ticked off with me as he's still sat on the bar and wants to get out. I promise you all i shall take him out before the next blog update but business first, Kevin's adventures second but i will take him out and about before the Italians get here, then the roads are crazy.

So short but sweet i know but what can i do, its all work, work, work.

And to finish the update off here is a picture of the sky above Oceanic 3 nights ago, the photo has not been doctored in any way.

Everything was coloured in a red glow, weird!

Until my next brain numbing update

Serve All, Love All, Peace All, Kevlar Out!

Thursday, 25 May 2017

Fancy eating your buddy for lunch?

"Oh what a beautiful morning, oh what a beautiful day, i don't remember the reeeeSSSSST, so we will just leave that way"

Yes its another day on the island in facts its my 1880th day or 45120 hours then again it could be 2,707,200 minutes. That was rather an Alan Partridge moment to figure out like that, A-HA!

How are you all today my lovely blog followers? I would like to welcome the new blog followers from Armenia and Georgia, Barev & Gamarjoba, that's hello in their languages not their names.

May is going very well indeed. Every single customer that has stepped in to Oceanic has returned and i mean every single one, so i can't really ask for any more and as always they have all been great friendly customers.

Now i like my food but would i really want to eat my buddy? Well that was on offer at Donkey Beach in Tsilivi could actually eat my buddy. I was shocked, appalled even but then it all became clear, they meant a sandwich or as we know it "A Butty"

Extreme eating experience

Ahhhhhhh, that's what they meant.

And smoothly moving on to eating experiences, i forgot to show you what i had when i went for a Gentleman's afternoon tea at the Park Plaza in Cardiff. It was so so good, as you know i love my buffet food, so this was posh buffet food.

Now then. As i wandered around my huge balcony i spotted something just laying still across my double patio doors. "That's funny" i thought "I can't remember buying a draft excluder".
Aggggghhhhhh, SNAKE! Yes there it was just laying in the shade after what it looked had just had its lunch. In length stretched out straight it was easily 4ft.
What do i do? It wasn't moving. I just bent down and stared at its head......Its tongue came out, IT'S ALIVE, IT'S GOD DAMN ALIVE, BUGGER!
OK, keep calm kev, what would Bear Grylls do in this situation, creep up on it, pounce, grab the head from behind just below the jaw, bite its head off, drink the blood, strip it of its skin and eat flesh for my dinner. NO, that's a bit to extreme and i'm not that desperate for food just yet as i still have 2 boxes of frosted shreddies in the cupboard.
A cloth over head so it keeps still while i grab it.
I get the cloth, slowly get close to it and drop the cloth.........Bugger, it moves back. I Pick the cloth up and try lifts up and moves, STAY STILL!
Then i remember i have a pole with a hook on it. I've seen them use these and the snake curls around they hell. I tried time and time again, do you think it even looked like it was going to curl up around it, not a chance. In the end it was a few quick flicks with the pole and over in to the garden it went. I AM MAN!

He not so tough.

Here you can see circled in red its dinner and the pole i had to grab to clear him away. Well would you be happy being poked after just having a big meal?

Now i don't watch much TV in the UK and especially over here as its all in Greek but i was amazed at 2 things i saw when i switched the TV on.
Firstly they have a program called "Your face sounds familiar" basically its stars in your eyes but i was shocked when they were interviewing a caucasian Greek male about who he was going to be only for him to step out blacked up. Now i'm not up on political correctness but is that still allowed?

And then a few days later at 2pm in the afternoon i found this film. I had to take a picture of the TV screen as you would never have believed me. When i watched part of it it was rather saucy, it was an early 1970's Greek version of Carry On.

One of my favourite beaches on the island is Donkey Beach but now they seem to be advertising it as something like an animal version of "Family Guy". Here i give you Donkey Quagmire. Its spooky.

And here is Quagmire

As always every season i try to add new designs to the t-shirt you can buy from the bar. Chris Cornell was a sad addition to the collection.

Remember a few updates ago when i was having a "Rant Time" about Fabletic gym wear and women not actually wearing it for the gym. It seems even women themselves have noticed this.

And like in the news the final funny.
I was reading the free Metro paper you get at train stations and came across this unfortunate headline. Now the story is actually horrific and terrible but i think they got the staple placement a little wrong.
A slight gap needed i think.

I know its not a long informative update this time but i have lots to do today but needed to fit an update in as trying to keep it to one update every fortnight as i know you just looooooove to keep up with whats going on the rock. So i promise a longer one next time but its getting a bit cloudy and i got washing on the line, a bar owners work is never done.

So until the next one,

Serve All, Love All, Peace All, Kevlar Out!

Friday, 12 May 2017

"Tis the season to be boiling,bugger, bugger, bugger, bugger, bugger, bugger!"

Yes you guessed it, its time to start working on my blog again every fortnight. So unfortunately for my poor blog followers you have more mental ramblings and dribble to read over.

In today's thrilling update there will be hardly any pictures.
"WHY, OH WHY NOT?" i hear you cry like the voice over person on points of view, well i had a horrible accident.
I was parking up on my bike at my home. On my petrol tank i had my petrol tank bag full of liqueurs. The bag slid off and landed on my foot, PHEW! i thought, that was lucky. Then i saw blood pouring out from under my foot, yes you guessed it, my foot was crushed to a pulp. Sorry, my mistake, it was a bottle of strawberry liqueur that had smashed, easy mistake to make. It was soaking out through the bag. I rushed the bag into the house and put it in the bath where i opened it and turned on the shower to wash the bag out.
In my panic and quick thinking i also forgot that my phone was in the bag, OOPSIE! As you can imagine the mixture of strawberry and water doesn't work well with a touch screen mobile phone.
I shook out the phone and left in sun for a few hours. Tried the phone, broken.
Then i was told to put the phone in a bag of rice. Its worth a try. I left it in the rice for 36 hours and guess what.............It only bloody worked. Every single function still works, so after this update your next one will be awash with pictures of all sorts of random things just because i can take pics again.

Well the bar is up and running and because i believe my lovely customers deserve and even more comfortable chilled out bar to relax in i've made some decor improvements. Now at this point i would post a picture but instead here is an artists impression.

They have even got the fine detail of the connect 4 on the tables. An impressive refurb don't you think?

I have had so many messages about where is my minion twin Kevin and when is he going to be appearing on the blog again. Well i have great news for fans of Kevin the Minion he will be back on this very blog shortly. While i have been slogging my guts out carrying tons of metal in the winter Kevin has been on the set of his next 2 movies in America "Despicable Me 3" and "Minions 2". He is now back on the rock and ready for adventures.

So now the island. Well most of the rubbish stock pile has been removed, to where i don't know but at least its getting sorted, slowly.
At the moment out here there seems to be more other european tourists than British and i think that is just going to continue. On the old road 80% of the people who pass by Oceanic have all sorts of accents but not British. The resort itself is in good shape with no real big changes just the odd new building gone up with shops in but no new restaurants or bars open just a few have changed names.
As for Oceanic nearly all who have been in so far this season have been new customers, i think maybe only 11 have been repeat offenders, i mean customers which is good for business but its early days yet and we have to take it one day at a time and never take anything for granted. This is the way i've run Oceanic for 11 years now, what will be will be.
Couple of new cocktails on the menu which already seem to be very popular especially "Death on two legs", i wonder why LOL.
So its all good folks.

Now lots of speculation of what i was doing and where was i during the winter and as i had stated on here its been a preety boring winter but just before i was about to come back out to Zakynthos i went on a little break as i had come down with what i thought was an incurable disease, "Victor Meldrew Syndrome". This disease can be quite harmful. Even though in yourself your extremely happy it makes everything and everyone around you very annoying to the extent that you want to shout at people with such things as "Are you a complete idiot?" or "Get of facetime in a public place you imbecile". As you can see i needed to get away and where better to get away from the rat race of modern day idiots than to Switzerland, Montreux on the bank of Lake Geneva.

What a wonderful, peaceful, beautiful place. This is where i have ever felt most at peace.
And i can honestly say i saw hardly anyone sat around on mobile phones or with tablets or laptops, almost everywhere i went people were just sat socializing with a drink. It was amazing.
Whether its the surroundings or the culture of the place i don't know but it was so nice to hear people talking and not sat with their faces in their phones and fingers swiping back and forth.
So lets give you Kevlar's tour guide of Montreux.

This was the view from my room which was only 5 mins walk to the bank of lake Geneva.

As you walk down the hill towards the lake i noticed a building that looked like a boat had been put on top of it.

It is a boat it is, look, LOOK!

As you get to the bottom of the road from the hotel it brings you to the statue of the amazing Mr. Freddie Mercury.

Now along with the statue just about 100 m away they have also preserved the recording studio that Queen owned as a museum to the band and Freddie. In this studio the artists AC/DC, David Bowie, Deep Purple and few others also recorded albums.

This is where visitors can sign their name and leave messages as they enter the studio.

As you can see i put allot of thought in to what i wanted to write.

One of many Freddie's outfits on show.

And the most meaningful bit of  the museum, the last place where Freddie stood to sing his last ever song. That was quite emotional and i'm not the biggest fan.

I have so many pictures from the museum but won't put all up, maybe i'll show more at a later date.

On with the tour of other places and landmarks.

I actual found where Freddie Mercury lived which is also on the cover of Queens last album "Made in Heaven" it took some searching and hunting down as its not known and no signage for it as the people that own it now don't want it as a place of interest. Its called "The Duck House".

At this point i almost got arrested by the police who were passing as i was climbing walls and looking over gates, oops!

I didn't know that Charlie Chaplin is buried here. His tomb is in the next town along which is called Vevey.

Also there is a big fork in the water which is for a restaurant called "Fork on the Water", i think its a play on the song "Smoke on the water" by Deep Purple which was written and recorded in the studio that Queen bought.

Here are a few other views for you to browse through.

Now i knew it was going to be expensive but when you go in to a bog standard restaurant, not fine dining or Michelin Star just a plain old run of the mill restaurant and see a chicken curry for this amount, you know your in the wrong place , ha!

Converted just for a curry, nothing else, it would cost you £28.50. Even a half of local beer was £4.50, luckily enough i found a CO-OP, ham, cheese, bread, pate and crackers for me, YAY!

And to finish off my tour of Montreux i was waiting on the train platform to go back to the airport and was feeling a bit peckish, AH! a vending machine.

As i looked closer they seem to have all bases covered.
Just in case someone is feeling a bit amorous on their way home after work you can buy some condoms and a pack of lighters for that after love making moment to light a cigarette like a 1940's movie. Ah but what if the condom breaks? No worries, just buy a pregnancy test kit too and if the result is positive take along a packet of Maltesers for when the cravings start. These Swiss got it all thought out in one sure fire vending machine.

Now every year while i'm away from the island rumours always start about am i or aren't i coming back, in fact gossip and rumours have happened every year for 16 years, you get used to it and just carry on.
So I will say this again for all to see and read from myself, if i'm not coming back i will be the first to let you all know on here and the reason why, until you read it on here then don't take any notice of what you read or are told.
Why am i telling you this? Well i don't let rumours bother me as i know the truth and the people around me and close to me know the truth and that's all that matters but when someone and i have to say i haven't been told who, when someone tells people that i'm not coming back because my mum is terminally ill just so they can try to get their hands on my business before i return then that is as low as it can get. When it comes to me, you can say anything, i'm not worried one bit but when my family are dragged in to it for someones own personal gains then its time to speak out.
And this post has come about because i had an e-mail from a regular customer of mine Kevin who has had a real life trauma unlike the lies told about my mum.
In his time of sadness Kevin took the time out to e-mail me to tell me his beloved wife Joyce had passed away while having surgery and he contacted to say how much they both enjoyed Oceanic and the times they spent in the bar, Joyce especially loved the Turkish Delight cocktail. They were the most perfect couple in my eyes, always happy, always content and always loving to each other while in the bar, they were a joy to have in the bar every night.
I have asked Kevin's permission to write this little bit about them and he gave his blessing, so here is the e-mail that i am so grateful for and made me quite emotional as i read it.

Hi Kevin

"When Joyce and I were in Zante last September you asked us to keep you informed on how things were going with the operations Joyce was going to have.
I regret to tell you my beloved Joyce passed away on 17th  April due to complications in surgery for a double heart vale replacement.
We were already in process of arranging a visit in September this year .
On Behalf of Joyce I would like to thank you for the wonderful nights we have spent in your bar over the  last few years and the memories we have.
The copy of the music we had from you certainly helped us through the winter, Saturday night was Oceanic night (once we had the secret of your Turkish delights) she loved those. She loved those drinks.
She did ask me to let you know as she had a soft spot for you would always make me look for and read out your blogs, and she was very proud of the fact you had mentioned  the little Carlisle  (bit of tat) erm  I mean fridge magnet we brought you in one of your blogs.

In closing I sincerely wish you all the best for the coming season and hope it will break all records for you. I hope one day to return to Zante and the Oceanic and have a drink in her memory."

I am so so grateful to you Kevin for that e-mail. Reading that through again has got me choked up once more. To kevin my heart felt sympathy goes out to you and to Joyce i will make every Turkish Delight Cocktail this season in your honour. Here's to you both.

I don't want to write anymore on this update as i want to leave it with my thoughts as they are.

Serve All, Love All, Peace All.