Ceeeeeeelebrate good times COME ON! Its 2017 and Christmas is over, yippadee doo daa day.
How are you my special lovely blog readers? Hope your all fine and dandy and happy.
Finished my nights at the toy store and then went on to nights at the toy store. Ahhhhh, but this time it was different. I had to pack down the whole store, well not just me but only one other. We had to pack all the stock away in boxes and put in to warehouse, absolute nightmare but got it all done within 4 nights and we had to build a mini shop from temporary fixtures and stock it with the top 2000 selling items. I'm amazed that just 2 of us got it all done but once i set my mind to it I'm like a machine. I'LL BE BACK!
So as promised in the last update i was going yo give you the "Kevlar guide to taking a perfect selfie".
So this is it.
Your arm should be stretched out straight to the side of you upwards at a 45 deg angle from your shoulder level and phone screen facing yourself, you got that? Good.
Then you tilt your head up so that there are no naughty double chins showing, those naughty double chins.
Then you slant your head slightly to one side, the opposite direction to your arm, your looking fab. Now pout like a guppy fish.
There are other variations of facial expressions that can be used.
There's the surprised mouth open wide eyed look.
There's the sad woah is me puppy eyed look.
There is the stern model look that makes you look more like a stalker.
There's the happy look which is so fake even the Jokers smile looks more real.
There's the sultry look with open lips and half open eyes that looks more like you've just woke up from a anaesthetic from mouth surgery.
So as you can see there are many variations to make yourself look horrendous, i mean beautiful from a close up self taken picture.
So would you like to see my examples? Well even if you don't want to I'm going to post them on here anyway like all good social media sites where people show you things that you don't really care about.
Here is a classic pose from me while in the toy store. The perfect selfie.
Looking good. Me with all the commoners on the local bus, I'M SO HOT!
Just a casual look in this one, your sort of James Dean at Swansea Quadrant bus station.
This is my businessman look on the train to London. I really am a chameleon and can blend in to any environment.
Here is a tourist selfie. Wide eyed, wide mouthed as though I'm so excited that my head is going to explode.
Here is a soft sort of "Awwwwwww" look as i have a selfie with a turtle at Sealife.
Here is that old classic the scared look with your typical nails in mouth and shuddering teeth. Look out SHARK!
Now i know what your thinking, those selfies are AWESOME! Why i thank you, i do try but i hear you also say "where are the pics of you". Well trust me they are the perfect facial looks I'm pulling but being as my phone is over 10 years old (Sony K800) then the camera is on the opposite side of the phone to the screen, DOH!
In saying that i have tried to upgrade i now have an Apple iphone 3gs. I'm so advanced, I'm right up there with Bill Gates when it comes to technology.
Alas, it didn't last for long. I don't really need a phone that can tell the density of my poop, that can change a pic of my face to look like I'm in a fishbowl, that can tell me its time to eat when my stomach does that anyway, that can tell me I'm having a heart attack while I'm having a heart attack. All a phone needs to do is, calls, text, take pics, play music & vids and have a radio. That's it.
I don't need to be on the net every second of my life, i actually have a real life I'm happy with, i don't need to be telling everyone who can be bothered to look that I've checked in having a jimmy riddle in the toilets at The Ritz. People only check in when their someone that people will go "OOOOoooooo!" you never see anyone checking in at Aldi, Poundland, Bargain Booze or Big Bobs Norovirus greasy cafe.
Anyway because so many people are on their phones posting what their doing the people you are telling are also on their phones telling people what their doing so no one notices.
I was on a student bus the other day with 27 people on it. Only one didn't have their face in a phone, ME.
Also considering the iphone is "So sick" as the kids would say its not really, its a pain in the ass.
My 10 year old phone i can plug straight in to laptop and use like an external hard drive just adding and taking things off without a program, the iphone is like quantum physics just to take a pic off it. Download a program, open an account, Upload to this, down load to that, change the file, upload again, download again, ridiculous. So its back to old faithful.
Rant over, i do like a good rant to let off steam lol.
And here it is folks, the epic adventure is almost upon us but the tickets have arrived as i said. Not sure of the travel arrangements, where I'm staying or what to wear. I do hope its nothing like the last journey i took to watch them but it was also exciting in a weird way but i would like a more smooth day this time.
Now i usually post somewhere on my blog some music that I've been listening to or bands I've been to watch so today i have both.
Firstly my world watched actor/teacher nephew Leighton and i went to watch a Smiths tribute on Saturday called, wait for it........The Smyths. And i have to say they are the second best tribute band I've seen, first was Guns 2 Roses. In a small little venue called The Globe and maybe 200-300 people but a sell out. Would definitely go and see them again. They've also played Glastonbury.
While were on the subject of tribute bands Leighton and I were having a laugh at other tribute bands names that are playing at The Globe in the future. I will give you the bands names and you guess who they are ok:-
1/ A Foreigners Journey
2/ Nearly Dan
3/ Visible Touch
4/ The Boss
6/ Green Haze + The Offspin
7/ The Explosive Light Orchestra
8/ Whole Lotta Led
9/ Hells Bells
10/ Ben Haenow (Ha), how the average have fallen
Galactic Empire, a rock band that plays Star Wars music, wow that gig must last at least 3 songs Star Wars main theme, The Imperial March and the Cantina band song. Sorry make that 4, Duel of the Fates. I guess all the Star Wars geeks will go dressed up so i guess it could be a fun gig.
Here they are in all their glory.
Anyway, back to normality, the next singer is Madilyn Bailey. Very good indeed. Her songs came to my attention in a chilled out coffee shop close to where i live. She writes her own songs but has also done a few covers. Now being as i like Radioactive by Imagine Dragons i thought i would show you her version. Close to being as good as original but nothing will beat the original.
And last but not least a song from my favourite office manager Mr. David Brent. Considering he's a comedy character the actually writing, melody, musical arrangement and production for the song "Slough" is really good. The lyrics do make me laugh though.
And that's it for this update folks but there will be an update next week from a secret location. I can't tell you to much just yet as I've been sworn to secrecy.
Serve All, Love All, Peace All, Kevlar out!